The cheese mines

In shafts and tunnels damp and dark

deep underground beneath the park

they toil until their hair is grey
shoveling cheddar every day.

Only the brave would ever go

to seek their bounty down below

far beneath the clay and shale –
the golden seams of Wensleydale.

Daily they descend to hell

to bring us up our Babybel

Double Gloucester, Port Salut

Mozzarella, Danish Blue.

They are facing doom down there
from slides of liquid camembert

razor shards can slice a man
from dynamited parmesan.

Breathing just for you and me

the deadly fumes of ripening brie

our jaded palettes just to please
courageous men are mining cheese.

Back to the ’70s

Hi, Bojo here. It’s no impression! Now’s the time for a confession.

Listen here, pull up your chairs. Brexit is great for billionaires.

Because I am a decent sort
I made them rich from selling short.

A falling pound is fab you see.
So Brexit is a victory!

The people versus Parliament
is a gift. It’s heaven sent.

In the name of sovereignty
I trashed UK democracy.

My loyal shock troops were a rabble.
I roused the mob to stir up trouble!

Dismiss the speaker. Order, order!
Let’s bring back the Irish border.

I’m Bojo. Let the fun begin
I’m waiting for the rioting!

What is the NHS to me?
A photo opportunity.

I’m not like you. I’m not a fool.
I sent my kids to private school.

British people love to queue.
Well, now’s your chance, it’s what you do.

Make sure you have enough to eat
cos soon the mob will reach your street

stirred up by Jacob, Dom and me.
Did you enjoy austerity?

Well now we have better wheeze –
we're bringing back the seventies

when our great state was proud and free
un-troubled by the EEC.

Remember 1972?
Before we joined? I bet you do!

Truly it was a golden age
when sexism was all the rage

the Irish problem, like today –
then it was the IRA.

An age of groping and of banter
the bigot and the racist ranter

an after dinner speech by Rolf
or how about a spot of golf?

immy Savile, OBE
kiddy fiddling on TV.

Just like our Jim, I’ve fixed you too
poor suckers, what you gonna do?