Scumbag

Reality has been good to me

I’m the king of daytime

The Staffy on the sofa

You don’t like me do you?

But you can’t look away

Fiddled the dole?

Cheated on your wife?

Have a spare bedroom going free?

Your pitiful life is good telly

But you knew that already

Colourful and lardy

You blow up reliably

In a low-rent way

Like a rat sniffing a drain

I can detect your frailty

I’ll put you through ringer

I’ll hang out your washing

While it’s still dirty

I’ll betray you for money

I feed on the rage and pathos

Of your everyday tragedy

I’m a chip shop bully

The creepy guy you met on a holiday

A gobshite with a degree

I’m a peeping Tom, a scumbag

A pimp, a connoisseur of misery

Reality has been good to me